My dreams

There are several things you have to understand about the surrogacy law in Utah you have to understand in order to understand why the process of choosing your surrogate is so important.  In Utah the woman carrying the child has ALL say: at any time she could choose to go in and eliminate the pregnancy and you would have no say.  Yes there is a legal contract but Utah is all about woman's rights.  There is also a lengthy legal process: meetings with counselors, lots of doctors appts, lots of shots, a possible home study and a possible hearing.  Now I know a lot about the process because I saw my sister go through it and I know that the shots are very painful.  But it really really takes a very loving person to do this process.  I wanted to be as involved as I possibly could be....for me this was going to be my pregnancy.  We paid the fee and our lawyer sent us several profiles from his data base he thought we would be interested in.  For us we knew we wanted someone with the same values as us.....prolife and someone who loved her family.  I read through them and sent them on to Mark so he could read through as well.
I remember reading and rereading and there was one profile that when I read it I got goosebumps and I actually cried....this was her....this was the woman who I would entrust the life of our baby with.  I felt an instant connection and this was just from the profile.  I waited several days and fasted and prayed about it before Mark and I actually talked.  He had chosen the same profile I did.  It was in the days that followed that I realized that the darkest days, the sadness and empty feeling that had encompassed me when the doctor told me that I would never have children again was gone....the light had taken over.  The pure love of God and I realized what I had always been told was indeed true and God did answer prayers.  And while yes, this was just the start of a very long and emotional process for the first time in years I was filled with hope.  I wasn't the broken woman anymore....I was worth something and while in the back of my mind I always knew this you don't go through what I had been through and not question your worth.  But I had a man who loved me for me and who had adopted my girls and together we WOULD have children.