Shaylee: My last birth

I can remember this day as it has played out in my mind over and over again.  I didn't know when I walked into the hospital that day that this would be the last time I would experience giving birth.  But that is whole other blog post....today I am focusing on Shaylee and her birth story.  Before I got pregnant with Shaylee I went through a very painful miscarriage so when I found out I was pregnant again just 6 months later scared me to death.  I was on edge with the whole pregnancy but at 6 months along I felt as though something was wrong.  I went to my dr. and insisted that they check me for dilation: they didnt want to do this as it can cause problems. After checking me (I wasn't going to ignore my gut) they found that I was not only dilating but funneling as well.  They decided to put me on bed rest and then check me again in 2 weeks.  After two weeks things seemed to stay the same so I was allowed to return to work on light duty.

My first day back to work and I ended up at the hospital with early labor so they gave me a shot and got the contractions to stop and sent me home.  Back to the Dr. the next day for steroid shots and on best rest for the rest of my pregnancy.  I had an amazing mid wife!!!!  At this point they were checking me every 2 weeks until I reached 30 weeks then every weeks.  My mid wife called me on  Sunday June 30th and had me meet her at the clinic so she could check me one more time before her vacation. I was now dilated to a 3 and she felt confident that at this point I was only 5 weeks early and it would be safe for me to deliver anytime.  

June 3: I woke up with a horrible feeling like something was wrong.  I kept being told over and over again that I needed to deliver this baby today!!!  I prayed and prayed and googled and googled how to induce labor.  I got some special oil and sunny D and chugged it and then went for a walk....yup it worked!  I felt her drop....at this point it was now 7 at night by the time we made it to the hospital.  They hooked me up to all the machines and checked my contractions which were coming along but because I was early they made me walk laps around the ward floor to prove I was in labor...I went from a 3-5 in 15 minutes.  Since my Dr. was gone the on call mid wife was back and forth between 3 hospitals and since I was early they decided to give me a shot to slow the delivery process....GRRRRR!!!  I didn't want a Fourth of July baby!!
11:50 the Dr. made her way back to Ogden Regional after being paged and told that I was at an 9.  She had enough time to scrub in and get ready and at 12:10 am Shaylee Elizabeth was born weighing in at 5lbs 9 oz.  The mid wife gasped: I started to panic.....what was wrong?  The sac had completely decalciphied and was gone...if it had been even 5 more hours I would have delivered a still born.  I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and that I listened to those promptings as that joyous day would have been very different.  Happy Birthday to the amazing Shaylee Barber!!!!

The calm after the storm

I have felt compelled lately to take up blogging again and this one is me being the most honest I can possibly be.  My favorite thing about storms is the smell of rain and sitting on my front porch listening to the sound of the ocean.  It at times sounds like it's angry: you can hear the waves crashing against the shore and rocks....it's very calming for me.  The thing about storms is there is always a calm that seems to come after.  I have been reminded time and time again that this life is not meant to be easy: nope not at all!  We were sent here to be tested and challenged.  At the same time I do believe this life is meant to bring joy and happiness as well.

I would have to say that I have had my share of trials and at first I thought okay I can do this, and then the darkness sneaks in and it almost becomes all encompassing.  It has been during these dark and stormy nights I have had to work hard to remind myself that with each storm the calm will come.  My favorite scripture has helped to remind me during some very dark times that we are not alone "Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day" Alma 36:3. 

I now have a different take on my trials.  Many times you hear people say "why me?" not me I like to say "why not me?" Don't get me wrong I don't enjoy trials but I do believe that there are certain people that are to endure certain trials to help uplift and help others when they get hit with their storms.  I wear my trials proud like badges because my badges show that I made it.  There is nothing more that I want than to stand before God one day and to be able to say that I didn't give up.  

I am sure that when people look at my life this is what comes to mind.  The perfect life in paradise.  I have been reminded over and over in my life not to judge others because you never know what kind of storm they are facing.  Well here comes the honesty part: I've lost babies, at the age of 22 I had to have a medically necessary hysterectomy, I've had cancer scares, my dad died (but by a miracle came back to us), I've seen my siblings go through horrific situations, watch my mom battle crippling arthritis, buried my husband at the age of 28, was a single mom for years,  dealt with depression for many years and now here I am in the middle of another storm.  What is different this time? How can I find happiness when I just want to often bury my head?  Because of our brother Jesus Christ.  "When you feel like you're drowning in life don't worry your lifeguard walks on water".

My daughter reminded me this last week of a quote I am sure everyone has heard "If it's meant to be, it's up to me".  I have the choice to give up and drown or keep swimming and ride the waves.  Riding the waves can be exhausting but just like everything else they can be exhilarating at the same time. Here is more truth: I have 2 biological daughters and two amazing twins that through a loving heavenly father, a wonderful woman and modern medicine they are eternally mine.  I have two legs and two arms, I have a loving husband and amazing friends and family.  I have a roof over my head and food on the table.....and the list goes on and on.  It doesn't take much to realize there are so many people that have had to deal with trials far worse than mine.  

So, yes the calm after this storm will come just like it always does. In the meantime I am teaching my kids the joy of giving of yourself when you want to give up.  I don't have to bear this alone or at all: I have a brother who bore all so I don't have to.  They key is allowing the atonement to work for me in all and every storm I face.  

"Bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;....mourn with those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life".  Mosiah 18:8-9 

thought for the day and pork chops

So in the middle of telling our story of surrogacy I also will be sharing recipes that I have tried and are super super good and easy!  Also thoughts that I have found helpful in this crazy life. We have been trying to eat more healthy and incorporate fruits and veggies in our meals so this is an easy crock pot recipe I found and its easy and yummy:
4 bone in pork chops
1 can chicken broth (14 oz)
packet of onion soup mix
can of cream of chicken soup
garlic powder
packet of dry pork gravy mix
red potatoes

sprinkle the pork chops with garlic powder
in crock pot combine the soups, gravy mix and chicken broth
cut up 4-5 red potatoes and put in the crock pot
put pork chops on top of potatoes
cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or high for 3-4 hours

easy, easy easy and sooooo tender and good!

Thought for the day:
"Don't shine so others can see you, SHINE so through you others can see HIM" -C.S Lewis

Just what I needed today.  Two weeks ago a friend from high school passed away. She was 34 years old leaving behind another friend from high school who is her eternal partner and three beautiful children.  On her last birthday she took the service challenge: for how many years you are turning on your birthday do that many number of random acts of kindness: note to a neighbor, flowers to a sick elderly person, cake to the fire station ect ect.  Her family has set forth the challenge in her memory so I will be taking it and am challenging all of you: your bday month do that many random acts of kindness and take pics and track your progress with #turtlepower4Nat so her family can see how far reaching her incredible legacy has gone.  Life is so fragile and short and we are all here on borrowed time....tell those you love you love them, spend time with those you love, fight less and hug more....I love you all and goodnight!!!!

My dreams

There are several things you have to understand about the surrogacy law in Utah you have to understand in order to understand why the process of choosing your surrogate is so important.  In Utah the woman carrying the child has ALL say: at any time she could choose to go in and eliminate the pregnancy and you would have no say.  Yes there is a legal contract but Utah is all about woman's rights.  There is also a lengthy legal process: meetings with counselors, lots of doctors appts, lots of shots, a possible home study and a possible hearing.  Now I know a lot about the process because I saw my sister go through it and I know that the shots are very painful.  But it really really takes a very loving person to do this process.  I wanted to be as involved as I possibly could be....for me this was going to be my pregnancy.  We paid the fee and our lawyer sent us several profiles from his data base he thought we would be interested in.  For us we knew we wanted someone with the same values as us.....prolife and someone who loved her family.  I read through them and sent them on to Mark so he could read through as well.
I remember reading and rereading and there was one profile that when I read it I got goosebumps and I actually cried....this was her....this was the woman who I would entrust the life of our baby with.  I felt an instant connection and this was just from the profile.  I waited several days and fasted and prayed about it before Mark and I actually talked.  He had chosen the same profile I did.  It was in the days that followed that I realized that the darkest days, the sadness and empty feeling that had encompassed me when the doctor told me that I would never have children again was gone....the light had taken over.  The pure love of God and I realized what I had always been told was indeed true and God did answer prayers.  And while yes, this was just the start of a very long and emotional process for the first time in years I was filled with hope.  I wasn't the broken woman anymore....I was worth something and while in the back of my mind I always knew this you don't go through what I had been through and not question your worth.  But I had a man who loved me for me and who had adopted my girls and together we WOULD have children. 

The begining

Ok in order to really do this correctly I need to really start at the very beginning.  This is very emotional for me but a very important part of the story.  At the age of 23 after complications and medical problems I was told I would never have children again and had a hysterectomy.  This was such a heartbreaking moment in my life. I had dreams for years of being in a delivery room giving birth and I would catch myself touching my stomach earning to feel a baby move.  After years of battling with bipolar  in 2008 my first husband committed suicide.  I had such mixed feelings and I felt confused as to where I wanted my life to go.  In the spring things really turned around for me: I met the man who really is my better half.  I don't know how to describe it but I do believe that God brought him into our lives to heal all of our broken hearts.
He accepted me and my past and loved the girls as his own. He lived in Idaho so we did the long distance relationship.  He would come down to visit us when he could and we spent hours and hours on the phone.  We had some amazing adventures together: Bear lake, lava hot springs, Oregon and a cruise.  I did something that really scared me but I went back to school and got my first 4.0 and was on the deans list and finished my two year technical diploma and am now a Certified Para Optometric Technician!  We went through several deployments together and in 2010 he was PCS'd to England.....this redefined long distance but we both wanted to see where our relationship would go.  In 2011 we started to really really talk about our relationship and the one thing we both wanted: a baby....so we started to do research to see if this was a possibility.  In the summer he came to Utah and we went together to Oregon for a family reunion and upon return he proposed and within 4 days we got married.  Engaged on a Friday, married on a Monday and then he left to go back to England on a Friday.  Before he left we went for an initial consultation at the University of Utah for gestational surrogacy. 
I had two children that were genetically mine and so surrogacy would allow him a child that would be genetically his.  With surrogacy there are two options in Utah: you go through an agency or do it on your own.  If you go with an agency they handle all of the legal work and the screening that has to be done: but this is very very expensive.  We found a lawyer who was able to have children because of a surrogate and because of this he has had women come to him with the desire to be surrogates.  He then did a simple questionnaire with them and kept them in a data base for people like us.  For a fee you have access to all of the profiles and based on this you pick one or two and he gets you in contact with them.  From there you have to arrange and take care of the medical screening and all of the process that has to be done to make it a legal process.  When choosing the woman who will be carrying your child for you it becomes such an emotional process....but exciting and spiritual as well.

Baby Shower

Ok friends and family time is going by really fast, crazy to think that October is only a week and a few days away!  Where we live to far away from everyone and where we have friends and family spread out my sister is throwing us an online virtual baby shower in November.  We don't want to leave anyone out who would like to be included in this and celebrate in our excitement for these sweet babies.  These babies are the answer to so many prayers for me.  I have had dreams of giving birth and holding a baby again for so long.  And while I am not going to be the one giving birth this is my pregnancy in every way that counts!  Any advice any of you have would be appreciated or any funny stories you would like to share with us would be great as it has been 11 years since I have had any babies in the home and this will be a first for Mark.
  Any of you that would like to be included with the baby shower please comment with your mailing and email address so that we can get you an invitation.  Thanks so much!

Moving

 

Well this journey has been a bit overwhelming for sure!  We got the official orders in March that we were moving with the military to Hawaii.  Lucky for me I had been packing since we got the orders! I got the phone call at 9:00 p.m that we were being moved the next day!  So  it was crunch time!  Lucky for me I had some really great helpers!  We got everything moved into the garage and one room downstairs......crazy to see everything you own packed up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My coworkers threw me a going away party.  Saying goodbye to my boss was so hard!  I have only had 2 jobs, both of which I loved.  But Dr. Humpherys was like a second dad to me so that was really hard!  I accomplished so many things at that job and learned so much.  I actually took courses and am a CPOT.  

 

 

 

 

 

 My mom and Dad and the girls and I went to Texas Roadhouse with the girls one last time and celebrated their birthdays early.  As the time was creeping closer I could feel the anxiety of moving creeping in.  I have never lived away from Utah, never been more than 5 miles away from my parents.  I have such a great relationship with my parents and the girls with their grandparents leaving is so hard.  I couldn't have survived the last 5 years without them!  They have seen me through everything: the good, the bad, the sad and the happy.  I will miss them for sure!

 One of my favorite frame reps brought me fruit flowers as a going away present.  Another one gave me and Mark and free pair of Nike sunglasses.  I have been so lucky to have worked with so many great people!

 

 

Marc and Davee and Dom came down from Idaho to say goodbye.  We went up to Park City for the weekend.  Mark was able to cross something off his bucket list: riding in the bobsled at the Olympic Park.  It was good to see them before heading off.  We had a great dinner and did some shopping and lots of just catching up.

Jackie and the kids came down to say goodbye as well.  I have been so lucky to have great relationships with my siblings and their kids.  We also did a combined birthday party for the girls and Joseph.  I would have to say out of all of my siblings I am the closet to Jackie.  Even though we have always lived apart from eachother we connect as if she lives down the street.  I have gotten really close to her kids especially the quads.  Mark had been doing scuba diving and his dive card was ready so Jackie and I decided we would take a nice drive up to Park City to get it and have some lunch.  Since my car was gone Marrianne and Matt let me borrow their car (so nice of them) so we drove that one up there.  We get off on the wrong exit and go to get back on the freeway heading up a hill.  I am pushing down the gas and it wont go.  I look...no there is gas so that isn't the problem.  I start to panic so I pull over and Jackie trades me spots.  It goes for a minute and does the same thing.  Long story short Mark found the BEST tow truck driver to come and get us...he actually takes us to get the dive card and lets us use mom and dads AAA towing benefit and tows the car all the way to Clinton.  Mark and my Dad had actually driven up there so save us too....So lucky to have great men in our lives!  This was our last day in Utah.  I will miss Utah for sure....and maybe even the snow.  I am however excited for our next adventure of finally living together as a family and in Paradise!!!

Shaylee met Derrek Hough from Dancing with the Stars at the airport

 

Until we found a house we had to stay in a hotel in Wikiki.  The first hotel was WAY too small so we only stayed there for 2 days until I found a condo for us to stay in.  Luckily it was only for 10 days.  Mark had to work most of the time so the girls and I would walk down and hang out at the beach.  It really as pretty as you see in pictures here.  I love it!  Still have days of feeling isolated and miss everyone at home but am enjoying being a family.