The calm after the storm

I have felt compelled lately to take up blogging again and this one is me being the most honest I can possibly be.  My favorite thing about storms is the smell of rain and sitting on my front porch listening to the sound of the ocean.  It at times sounds like it's angry: you can hear the waves crashing against the shore and rocks....it's very calming for me.  The thing about storms is there is always a calm that seems to come after.  I have been reminded time and time again that this life is not meant to be easy: nope not at all!  We were sent here to be tested and challenged.  At the same time I do believe this life is meant to bring joy and happiness as well.

I would have to say that I have had my share of trials and at first I thought okay I can do this, and then the darkness sneaks in and it almost becomes all encompassing.  It has been during these dark and stormy nights I have had to work hard to remind myself that with each storm the calm will come.  My favorite scripture has helped to remind me during some very dark times that we are not alone "Whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day" Alma 36:3. 

I now have a different take on my trials.  Many times you hear people say "why me?" not me I like to say "why not me?" Don't get me wrong I don't enjoy trials but I do believe that there are certain people that are to endure certain trials to help uplift and help others when they get hit with their storms.  I wear my trials proud like badges because my badges show that I made it.  There is nothing more that I want than to stand before God one day and to be able to say that I didn't give up.  

I am sure that when people look at my life this is what comes to mind.  The perfect life in paradise.  I have been reminded over and over in my life not to judge others because you never know what kind of storm they are facing.  Well here comes the honesty part: I've lost babies, at the age of 22 I had to have a medically necessary hysterectomy, I've had cancer scares, my dad died (but by a miracle came back to us), I've seen my siblings go through horrific situations, watch my mom battle crippling arthritis, buried my husband at the age of 28, was a single mom for years,  dealt with depression for many years and now here I am in the middle of another storm.  What is different this time? How can I find happiness when I just want to often bury my head?  Because of our brother Jesus Christ.  "When you feel like you're drowning in life don't worry your lifeguard walks on water".

My daughter reminded me this last week of a quote I am sure everyone has heard "If it's meant to be, it's up to me".  I have the choice to give up and drown or keep swimming and ride the waves.  Riding the waves can be exhausting but just like everything else they can be exhilarating at the same time. Here is more truth: I have 2 biological daughters and two amazing twins that through a loving heavenly father, a wonderful woman and modern medicine they are eternally mine.  I have two legs and two arms, I have a loving husband and amazing friends and family.  I have a roof over my head and food on the table.....and the list goes on and on.  It doesn't take much to realize there are so many people that have had to deal with trials far worse than mine.  

So, yes the calm after this storm will come just like it always does. In the meantime I am teaching my kids the joy of giving of yourself when you want to give up.  I don't have to bear this alone or at all: I have a brother who bore all so I don't have to.  They key is allowing the atonement to work for me in all and every storm I face.  

"Bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;....mourn with those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life".  Mosiah 18:8-9